


If I Had One Wish

by AngeNoir



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Mild D/s, Multi, Polyamory Negotiations, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Third Wheels, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-16
Updated: 2014-08-16
Packaged: 2018-02-13 08:56:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2144697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngeNoir/pseuds/AngeNoir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve knows it's out of left field, but he's pathetically grateful that neither Bucky nor Tony question when he asks for a date with the two of them. It turns to something more, and Steve leaves in the morning... knowing he'll never make it back.</p><p>Strangely, he's okay with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Had One Wish

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LePeru (Nizah)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nizah/gifts).



> I'm so, so sorry for the people who read this the first 4 and a bit hours this was up - I didn't realize I skipped this story when I was uploading all the completed stories this morning. Please forgive me!

“A one-night deal?”

Steve did his best not to wince, keeping his body language loose and easy. He wasn’t a bad liar… he just didn’t like lying. Especially not to Bucky.

Bucky squinted at Steve over his sandwich. “This is – a surprise, honestly.”

“If you would rather not—” Steve began, but Bucky set the sandwich down, already shaking his head.

“No, man, like – if you had only approached me, Tony’s given me blanket permission to take a shot at you if you ever asked, and if you’d approached Tony, I’ve given _him_ blanket permission too. You’re like, the one person we’ve given the other free pass to cheat with.”

Steve furrowed his brow. “I’m not – why would you think I’d ask you to cheat on Tony?”

“Nah, we knew it was unlikely, you’re the most upright and compassionate person we know just, you were _the_ free pass – never mind.” Bucky cleared his throat. “We never thought you’d – you’d be up for it. We’d love it. Tonight?”

“Yeah,” Steve said, again trying not to make it obvious that he was on a deadline.

Hah. A pun.

Bucky hummed, tapping his metal fingers against the table. He was surprisingly well-adjusted in public, and what he was behind closed doors, well… Tony helped a lot with that, Steve knew. Steve had been intensely (if privately) jealous of Tony’s closeness with Bucky, and the fact that while Steve wasn’t as out of place as he was when he first woke up in this century, he definitely wasn’t fitting as well in as Bucky was. Now, though, he was very glad Bucky had a larger group of friends, people to rely on, people who would care for him and take care of him.

Steve wouldn’t be there to watch his back anymore, after all.

“I know Tony’s in a meeting until six, but I’m sure he won’t care if I text him in the middle of it. Do you want anything in specific? Anything I can—”

“I just want a night with – with the two of you. If possible,” Steve interjected.

Bucky nodded and then stood up, coming over to Steve’s side. “Stevie,” he said quietly, his flesh hand gently cupping Steve’s chin, stroking Steve’s jaw. “What the hell is going on with you?”

“What?” Steve said defensively, stepping back and out of Bucky’s touch.

Bucky stared at Steve a long moment before shaking his head and heaving a sigh. “Nothing, man. Just… you’ve been different, lately. I’m just concerned, you know? Fury’s been working you too hard. We miss you here, man.”

Steve let his mouth fall into an easy grin, even if his chest physically seemed to constrict at Bucky’s words. “Nah, you guys are doing just fine, and I’m doing good work, hunting down the last of the Hydra cells.”

“You don’t have any backup, you’ve stopped taking Natasha and Sam with you—” Bucky stopped talking and sighed deeply. “But alright, man. We’d be happy to have you. We’ll meet up here for dinner? Or do you – do you wanna go dancing?”

Steve almost said no – but what the hell? Last night on earth. Who would care? “Sure, if you guys want. I just – I just wanted to go on a date with you two. Wanted to spend some time with just the two of you.”

Bucky leaned back on his heels, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Yeah, that sounds awesome. You heading out on a mission tomorrow morning, right?”

Steve nodded.

“Well. Maybe, if you come back, it won’t be just a one-time thing, hmm?” Bucky said, but before Steve could reply – as if Steve had a reply to something like that, honestly – Bucky had turned back to the table and his meal. “We’ll meet here around seven, then, give me time to get Tony cleaned up, and we’ll go out and eat some good food and have a good time.” Tilting his head at Steve, he asked, voice light and teasing even if his eyes were serious, “You want this to end up in any way particular?”

Steve wasn’t an idiot – he knew what Bucky was asking. Clearing his throat, he shrugged his shoulders and fought to keep them from being too tense. “Well – I was just gonna see how it goes, you know? Get a feel for things. It’s just something I’ve been… thinking about a while, and maybe I’ve made it up in my head more than it actually is.”

Bucky winked lasciviously at Steve. “Oh, I doubt you made it out in your head a tenth of what it’s actually like,” he purred. “We’re gonna rock your world, Rogers.”

And this, this easy banter and teasing, Steve could fall in to, could use to forget what waited for him tomorrow. Smiling, he shook his head. “We’ll see, Barnes.”

With that, he left the kitchen and went up to his room to finish his final preparations.

***

At seven promptly, he made his way into the kitchen and stopped to stare at Tony and Bucky, both of whom were sitting at the table, Tony perched on the actual table and Bucky leaning back in the chair, balancing it on two legs. The both of them weren’t very dressed up, not really – nice slacks, and button-up shirts, but nothing too fancy. Steve breathed out an inward sigh of relief; his clothes weren’t messy, but he didn’t own fancy clothes in the first place, let alone put them on for what he had thought would be a casual date with the two of them.

“Why, hel- _lo_ Steve,” Tony murmured, bouncing off the table and stalking up to Steve with a definite look of interest in his eyes. “I have to say, this is… very out of left field, but carpe diem, right? Besides, you’re off on one of your longest missions yet, if Fury’s intel is to be believed. We won’t get to see you around for a while.”

Longest mission of his life, really, but Steve simply smiled, letting his hands fall to Tony’s hips, reveling in finally being able to touch. “Yeah. I just – it’s been something in my mind a while, and finally, I thought, well, why not just ask? Worst that would happen is that Bucky would say no, and then, well, I’d go off and any awkwardness would fade.”

“Man with a plan,” Tony said approvingly, even as Bucky stood up and walked over to press a chaste kiss on Steve’s cheek and a not-so-chaste kiss on Tony’s lips.

“C’mon,” he said when he pulled back from Tony. “There’s a bar and grill waiting for us, and then Steve will get to watch you convulse on a dance floor.”

Tony narrowed his eyes indignantly at Bucky. “James is a liar, Steve, the only one convulsing is _him_ – I dance superbly.”

Steve let the familiar bickering dialogue wash over him as he followed them out into the hall and then down to the street.

***

It was one in the morning when they came back; it had been a fancy dinner at a place that Bucky and Steve would normally have felt out of place at, but surprisingly, the food was rich and hearty, absolutely delicious. Gourmet burgers, Tony had called it, even though there wasn’t a burger on the menu. Then Tony had dragged Bucky and Steve to a small, out of the way pub. Steve wasn’t looking forward to drinking – but it had had a pool table, and Tony had proceeded to challenge Steve to a game. They’d played for so long that it was practically midnight when they left, the entire bar cheering them on as Bucky and Steve played, Tony and Bucky played, and Steve and Tony played. _Then_ , even though it was late and they really should have headed back, Tony took them to a pretty seedy looking place that had something that could, maybe, possible, pass as dancing. In really poor light.

Tony had dragged the both of them onto the dance floor, planted them on either side of himself, and proceeded to grind filthily against Bucky and then Steve. It wasn’t dancing as Steve had thought of it, but it was certainly… inventive.

They stumbled into the Tower at almost two in the morning, and Steve had honestly thought it would end there. Oh, he would have loved to have actually been invited to their room, but he had asked for a night out with them. Bucky had implied, but they’d already done so much…

But when he started to step back from them – they’d been wrapped in each other arms a while now, Tony holding Steve’s gaze as he sucked on Bucky’s fingers (Bucky had put his hand over Tony’s mouth because his suggestions were moving from lewd and filthy to downright pornographic) – Tony snagged Steve’s shirt.

“Uh, I was promised more than this. And you don’t look like you really want to leave,” Tony said pointedly.

Steve turned to look at Bucky, who held his gaze for a long, heated moment. After that, Steve sighed and let a smile tilt the corners of his mouth up. “I’d love for – more.”

“Two blushing innocents, how did I ever get this lucky, huh?” Tony exclaimed, which was when Bucky hauled Tony up and threw him over his shoulder.

“He always this confident?” Steve asked, following Bucky up the stairs.

Bucky looked over his shoulder at Steve with a raised eyebrow. “Reminds me of someone else I know,” he teased.

Steve smiled, doing his best to keep his expression normal.

Inside Tony and Bucky’s shared room, they stopped and looked expectantly at Steve. He felt himself flushing from the attention and said, “What? What’s the matter?”

“You said you wanted a night with us. That you’re heading out on a long mission and thought ‘why the hell not’ since you figured if we turned you down – why you’d think we would is beyond me – you’d have the time apart to not make it, and I quote, ‘weird.’” Tony stopped and gestured to Bucky. “You know, we don’t have to be a package deal. If you said this ‘cause you just didn’t want Bucky cheating on me, it doesn’t count as cheating so you know, I can leave the room—”

“Both,” Steve said instantly, feeling the tips of his ears pink. “I want you both. And – yeah, this is… a lot more than I expected. I just wanted – I wanted to try.”

“Well, how do you want us, then?” Tony asked.

That flustered Steve – he blinked at Tony and then looked over at Bucky. “Want you?”

“Yeah, if you wanted to try, you must’ve had some end game, right? Some fantasy you wanted to try out. C’mon, you have to tell us, we have to make it so amazing you come back and we get to do this _all the time_ , because let me tell you if I knew you were amenable to polyamorous relationships I would have been _all_ over that.” Tony undid his vest buttons and slipped out of the crisp – well, not so crisp anymore – material to reveal his red shirtsleeve shirt. “As it is, we get one night to charm the pants off of you. Pretty much literally.”

Steve paused. It was his last gift to himself, so what was the harm in a fantasy, right? Especially since Bucky and Tony seemed so obliging. “I… I like being. Um. Not in control.”

“Shit,” Bucky said, and nearly fell over.

Steve opened his mouth to backtrack when Tony very literally launched his body at Steve, forcing Steve to brace himself so he didn’t fall over, and licking into Steve’s open mouth, devouring and possessing. Steve involuntarily moaned, eyes fluttering shut, and when Tony finally pulled back, licking his lips and panting, Steve could only blink lazily at Tony through his haze of lust.

“You’re perfect,” Tony purred, eyes alight. “So perfect Steve, _yes_ , do you know what James’s problem is?”

“It’s your problem too,” Bucky growled, and Steve glanced over and nearly choked on his own spit – Bucky was there, naked and glorious, scars and muscles gleaming in the low light, metallic arm looking so harsh and commanding that Steve almost whimpered aloud.

“ _Our_ problem, Steve, is that we’re both… too… _dominant_ ,” Tony murmured, yanking Steve’s face back and meeting his eyes squarely. “Okay, we are certainly continuing this when we get back, and so we’ll do the safe discussion then. Right now, we don’t do anything more than a little rough play, a little pinning down. You got it?”

“Oh god yes,” Steve whispered.

Tony hummed against Steve’s throat, worrying his teeth at the tendons there, and then pulled back. “But James’s arm can be a bit difficult, and I’m not the best reader of facial expressions. So you must – this is non-negotiable – use the color system to let us know if something’s too much.”

“Color system?”

“Stoplight, Stevie,” Bucky said. “If something’s too intense – if my arm’s choking you out—”

“Almost killed me that night,” Tony grumbled, and Steve’s eyes flickered over to Tony and stuttered to a stop when he realized Tony was entirely naked.

“—if my arm’s choking you out, if Tony thinks you’re laughing and you’re really sobbing, if something feels _bad_ —”

“I’ll let you know,” Steve said in a rush. “I got it. Okay.”

“Okay?” Tony repeated, fingers circling around Steve’s wrist.

Steve looked down at the fingers curling possessively over his pulse. “Okay,” he whispered.

“Good,” Bucky purred. “Now, you’re going to undress and join us on the bed.”

Steve hurried to comply, even as Tony moved over to Bucky’s side, murmuring into Bucky’s ear as they watched him avidly, and Steve could feel himself flushing, his cock standing at attention, under their eager gazes.

When he was done and approaching the bed, Bucky leaned forward, forearms resting on his knees, blatantly unconcerned with his nakedness. “Now,” he said warmly, “Tony’s only got one solid load in him, because let’s face it, I kinda wore him out before we went out, but I’ve got a bit more than that in me. We’re going to double-team you – one of us is going to fuck your mouth, and the other’s gonna slide into that ass of yours. You pick who does what.”

Steve went light-headed, and it took him a while to swallow and say, “I want – I would like to, to suck you, Bucky. And—” his hand twitched towards his erection and only with superhuman effort did he clench his fists at his side. “I’d like Tony to come in my ass.”

“You heard the man,” Tony said, satisfied. “You can fuck his sloppy hole after I’m done, James.”

Steve very nearly came right then and there – as it was, his dick twitched and precum oozed out of the slit.

Before he really even registered it, he was on his fours on the bed, Bucky’s thick erection – this, Steve remembered from years and years ago, and he tried not to think about lost friends and lost times – sliding across his tongue, drool and precum painting Steve’s lips. Behind him, fingers worked him open, stroking erratically across Steve’s prostrate and making his dick jerk. When Tony actually slid in, Steve couldn’t hold it anymore; he came.

“Shit,” Tony moaned, fingers digging into Steve’s waist. “He fucking – he fucking came _untouched_ James this is not fair—”

“Shut the fuck up, Tony,” Bucky gasped, cupping the back of Steve’s head as he thrust in and then came himself.

Bucky fell back on his heels, his metallic hand gripping Steve’s jaw and lifting his head up so that Bucky could kiss him, deep and filthy, with Bucky’s taste still chasing across his tongue. Behind him, Tony moaned and his thrusts became erratic, dragging over Steve’s prostrate again and again, and Steve was oversensitive, gasping and begging, repeating over and over that he couldn’t, he _couldn’t_ , don’t make him, but then—

Oh, but then Bucky leaned forward and gripped the back of Steve’s neck, whispering harshly that Steve was going to come again, and then Bucky was going to make Steve come a _third_ time, that Steve was going to do it regardless, and Steve nearly wept at the fact that in another situation, with another life, if he wasn’t damaged, this could have been his.

One of Tony’s hands slipped down Steve’s thigh to strip Steve’s cock, and then Steve was whining in the back of his throat, keening as Bucky alternatively described what he was going to do to Steve’s ass and cooed reassurance and loving words in Steve’s ear.

With a groan, Tony froze, his hand loosening around Steve’s cock, and Steve desperately bucked, seeing that friction, and then – then – then Bucky sucked Steve’s tongue into his mouth, thrust his tongue into Steve’s mouth, kissed and devoured and possessed—

Steve came with a sob, body wrung out, and he must have blacked out a little bit because when he finally noticed his surroundings again, he was on his back, hands pinned above his head, Bucky lining himself up as Tony curled next to Steve and traced the lines of Steve’s face. Steve was bent practically in half, legs spread wide, and he moaned when Bucky slid right in, Tony’s cum easing the way.

Bucky must have – must have fucked him a long time, going on and on, Tony teasing Steve’s erection, praising Steve, describing how messy and filthy Steve looked, how they wanted him, they wanted him _so bad_ —

Steve almost believed it.

***

Steve gently extricated himself from the tangle of limbs and gathered up his clothes. He was shipping out at first light, and he had a pretty good idea that this was not only the last HYDRA base, but that the Red Skull – or someone who looked remarkably like Johann Schmidt – was there. Steve hadn’t been strong enough to defeat the Skull before and to be quite fair… he wasn’t sure he wanted to. Oh, he didn’t want the man to continue killing people for a warped and twisted agenda, but Steve wasn’t going to fight to live. He was going to fight to make sure the Skull died.

And then, that was it. Steve would finally be gone, no longer be in a century that didn’t need him and didn’t want him, Bucky could take up the mantle of Captain America, and the team would continue on. Peggy, the last link to his past, was dead (last link besides Bucky, but then again, Bucky was _James_ now, not the same man Steve once knew, and he couldn’t hold it against him after the shit that happened with the Winter Soldier and HYDRA, but it only served to isolate Steve even more). There was nothing here for Steve, and he was going to go out the way he was supposed to have those seventy-odd years earlier – destroying a danger to the world.

Too bad that not only was the Red Skull stronger than Steve, but that faulty intel implied there were no more HYDRA soldiers—

—except there were.

***

Steve lost track of the days, the number of tortures, the different experiments done to try and pull the serum from his body. He lost track of everything, anything, muscles atrophied and bones broken, too broken to heal.

And yet, the serum kept him alive.

It was a curse, and Steve wondered if this was his hell, his punishment, for losing Bucky all those years ago. For putting Bucky through something like this, because he didn’t even think to go back and check for his best friend and love’s body. If this was punishment for wanting to die, if this was punishment for continuing to live when all his family and friends had passed on.

Steve wondered, cracked lips trying to form half-forgotten serial numbers.

And he lived.

***

He opened his eyes, not because he was in pain or because he could hear loud noises, but because he couldn’t hear anything. Couldn’t hear a sound. Couldn’t feel pain.

Maybe he had died, he thought, looking around the room to see the familiar settings of Bucky and Tony’s room. Maybe he was finally—

His eyes fell on Tony, haggard and rumpled, slumped over in a chair that hadn’t been in the room before.

Tony – he took a deep breath, steadied himself. Tony couldn’t be dead. That was wrong. That meant – that meant that he wasn’t dead, either. And if he wasn’t dead – and if Tony was here…

The bathroom door opened, and Bucky walked out to stop dead in his tracks when he saw Steve’s eyes open. Then he came over to the bed and leaned forward, eyes very red and dark circles ringing his eyes.

“You are never doing something so _stupid_ ever again,” he whispered, voice harsh. “You are – we are never letting you out of our sight. You don’t get to die, Steve, not because you think we don’t need you, or whatever those fucking letters were supposed to mean. I need you. _I need you_. This whole fucking team needs you. And that was a shitty thing to do, what, use us as your last request? Hell, we were _so fucking happy_ you wanted to be with us. Turns out you only have that famous Rogers courage when you’re planning on dying, huh?”

“James!”

Bucky stepped away from the bed, even as Tony’s voice – worse-sounding than Bucky’s, if that was possible – creaked out, “What the hell, man? You’re mad, go take it out on that sparring bot I created. Go. Shoo.”

After a long moment, Bucky dropped his head and took in a deep breath, trying to breathe out a sigh and ended up breathing out a sob. Shaking his head, he exited the bedroom and closed the door quietly behind him.

Steve stared at the door in shock.

“You numbskull,” Tony murmured, and Steve slowly dragged himself to look at Tony in the eye.

Tony’s eyes were also red, but they were solemn, too. After an impossibly long silence, Tony said quietly, “You aren’t the only person to try and kill yourself. You just did it in a very heroic, very valiant way, for all that it was wrong and you scared the living _crap_ out of everyone. I think Fury pissed himself. Coulson cried. Natasha was _less_ violent than normal.”

Steve licked his lips, and Tony brought a cup of water with a straw to his mouth. After he took a sip – which was way more tiring than it should have been – Steve croaked, “How – how long?”

“How long what?” Tony said quietly. “How long were you in a coma? Three weeks. How long were you in surgery? Ten hours. How long were you in Red Skull’s hands? Two weeks. How long before we noticed you were gone?” Tony looked away, and Steve realized Tony’s hands were shaking. “A day.”

Steve frowned. The mission he’d told them about was a two-month long mission. He’d – he’d written letters, leaving stuff to people, telling them secrets that, now that he was alive, he was _really_ uncomfortable with them knowing. Those letters weren’t supposed to appear until the three-month mark, looking as if it was a will kicking in, not a predetermined suicide note. “A day?” he rasped.

Tony smiled, and it wasn’t a very nice smile. “C’mon, Steve. We’re not stupid. We knew something was up. We – well, we hoped it wasn’t… wasn’t something like this. We hoped you didn’t sleep with us just to go die on us – we thought maybe there was… someone blackmailing you. Someone in trouble you needed to go save, and it was risky. But we’re both very determined, your Winter Soldier and I.” Tony cleared his throat and stood up. “Let me be very clear, Steve – depression, which is what I think you have, is treatable. And we’re going to help you. But you – you need to make the first step. Because James’s out there, planning how to wrap you in a bubble and keep you safe from everything in the world, including yourself. But…” Tony trailed off, and his mouth twisted in something that could only tangentially be considered a smile. “I know from experience. There’s nothing anyone can do if you’re determined to destroy yourself. James pulled me out of that place. Let us help you.”

Standing up, Tony pressed a kiss to Steve’s forehead and walked out. Only when the door closed behind Tony did Steve allow himself to cry.

***

“Steve? You okay?”

Steve looked up from the book he’d been staring at. It had taken him a long while to reach this point – to accept that both Bucky and Tony loved him, and their love for one another didn’t lessen their love for him at all, just as he loved them both. It took him time to realize that there was a place here, that he was wanted, that he _belonged_.

“Yeah, I’m fine, Clint, thanks,” he said.

“Only, you remember that you’re supposed to be meeting Bucky at that art gallery thing in fifteen minutes?”

“ _Shit_ ,” Steve growled, jumping up and rushing to his room to get ready.

Clint yelled after him, “Tony said if you got there on time you’d get a prize. I don’t want to be the middleman for your freaky sex shenanigans, especially when _I_ don’t have any freaky sex shenanigans going on!”

Muttering under his breath, Steve threw on something halfway decent and sprinted out of the tower’s lobby with eight minutes to go. Throwing on every bit of speed – dodging pedestrians was hard – he still ended up getting there two minutes late. He stopped outside the gallery where a modern artist Steve had gotten Bucky interested in was showing and tried to make himself look a little presentable, flattening his hair and trying see if he was sweating in the muggy heat. Finally, he gave it up and walked in the door.

“Surprise!”

Steve stared in shock at everyone standing there, the banners, the streamers, and he blinked. “The fourth of July is tomorrow?” he said dazedly.

“We rented out the gallery until one in the morning,” Tony said breezily, coming over to him and eyeing him critically. “So technically, we’ll be here for your birthday.” Pulling Steve down a little, Tony fixed his tie and growled possessively, “And besides, James and I have something… _special_ planned for tomorrow.”

Steve shivered in pleasure, meeting Bucky’s icy, possessive gaze across the room. He was – he wasn’t all the way better. He still had bad days. But—

Tony and Bucky made it a hell of a lot better.


End file.
